


stupid, soul-sucking, all-consuming love

by antifawolverine



Category: Marvel (Comics), X-Men (Comicverse)
Genre: F/F, Fix-It, Katyana, Really cute and gay, X-Men Gold (2017) #30, anyway im a lesbian goodnight, repressed sexuality
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-17
Updated: 2018-11-17
Packaged: 2019-08-25 03:40:40
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,262
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16653592
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/antifawolverine/pseuds/antifawolverine
Summary: cute, gay, lil x-men gold 30 rewrite.





	stupid, soul-sucking, all-consuming love

**Author's Note:**

> hey there! i don't usually write fanfiction but i had a little time and i was pissed by this issue.  
> you can find me on instagram @milk.punk, or twitter @antifawolverine.

"You were always a bad influence, Rasputin".

It was surprisingly cold for July. Kitty shivered, mentally scolding herself for not wearing a coat. She was still a kid at heart, really, even despite the fact that tomorrow was her wedding day.

  
The alcohol warmed her up. Kitty wasn't really a big drinker, but, well, it was kind of a special occasion.

  
Kitty passed the bottle to Illyana, "Bad enough you're getting me drunk- you're also making me neglect my guests".

  
Illyana stared back at her before taking a swig at the bottle. She hadn't really spoken much all night. Kitty could sense that something was wrong. She sighed.

  
"Not for nothing, but your best friend is marrying your brother tomorrow. Kinda thought you'd be a little happier."

  
Illyana put down the bottle, turning to face Kitty. "What? are you kidding?"

  
Kitty stared back at her, a frown forming on her brow. "Just calling it as I see it."

  
Illyana grinned. "I'm totally happy."

  
Kitty took the bottle, smiling sadly. "And not a great actor."

  
Kitty stared out into the distance, watching as their friends partied beneath them. She turned around, her eyes challenging Illyana's.

  
"Look, if I'm off-base here- and I want to be off-base here- I'm sorry.

  
But I've pretty much known you your whole life. I can read you.

  
So should I bring up one of the three telepaths downstairs right now or do you want to tell me what's going on?"

  
"Nothing, I swear", her friend rebuked defensively.

  
Kitty frowned back at her, her expression cold and unconvinced. Illyana turned away, sighing sadly. "It's not my place."

  
Kitty smiled. "You're my best friend in life, so let's say for a second that it is."

  
Illyana shuffled further away from her. "I just- I just want this to be right. For you and my brother".

  
"And you don't think that it is?" Kitty asked.

  
"I think-" Illyana started, her voice breaking.

  
She looked down, away from Kitty. "Please don't make me say this". Her voice wasn't much more than a whisper.

  
Kitty gently reached out to her friend. "Illyana-"

  
"I'm in love with you!" Illyana turned round, tears streaming down her cheeks.

  
Kitty gasped, her eyes wide.

  
"I love you and I've been in stupid, soul-sucking, all-consuming love with you since I was fourteen! And you're so straight it hurts but I can't bear another moment where I have to hide this!" Illyana choked, her face scarlet red.

  
Her words stabbed through Kitty. She bit her lip, her throat tight.

  
She took a deep breath, composing herself. "Well, Illyana, I- I didn't know about that". It was the tone she reserved for misbehaving students and troublesome politicians.

  
Illyana buried her head in her hands. "Fuck."

  
Kitty grimaced, her nails digging into her hands. "I, uh, I didn't know you were gay."

  
Illyana pressed her lips together. "Fucking obviously. When have I ever shown interest in any guy?" Her voice was worn-out.

  
Kitty felt her eyes prick with tears. She swallowed, her mouth dry.

  
Illyana took a deep breath, running her hands down her thighs. "I'm sorry. You weren't to know."

  
Kitty offered a sympathetic smile.

  
"I know you can't ever love me like that, Kitty. I'm not asking you to", Illyana said. She forced a weak smile. "I really hope you and my brother are happy. Enjoy your wedding day, Katya."

  
Kitty stared down. "Thank you."

  
Illyana glanced back at her, nervously, before stepping into a glittering teleportation circle.

  
As she left, a huge sob choked Kitty, right through her chest.

  
She scrunched her eyes shut, hugging her arms around her torso. "It'll be okay," she murmured to herself.

  
She wiped her eyes, taking an uneasy breath.

  
"I'm getting married tomorrow," she whispered.

 

***

 

She knew Ororo had sorted out the weather, but it didn't stop Kitty's state of awe at the golden skies.

  
She felt beautiful. Kitty wasn't fond of makeup nor dresses and had cut her hair short simply for conveniences' sake. An orchestra of violins started on a beautiful wedding march as Kitty's mother lead her down the aisle. She radiated with happiness, feeling the warm gazes of her friends on her skin as she walked past them.

  
And then there was Piotr.

  
Piotr, in a handsome grey suit, his black hair delicately slicked back. Piotr, his eyes wide, star-struck as he watched his bride walk towards him. Piotr, whom Kitty had loved since she was thirteen.

  
Her Piotr.

  
She took his hands as the Rabbi began to speak. But Kitty wasn't listening to her words. All she could see was Piotr, Colossus, her soon-to-be husband. Nothing else mattered.

  
She took the ring into her hand, repeating the Rabbi's vows.

  
"I will love and cherish you for all my days."

  
Love. She slipped it onto Piotr's finger. This was all that mattered. All her life had been leading up to this.

  
Kurt placed a ring into Piotr's hand.

  
He gently took her hand and repeated the Rabbi's words.

  
"The dawn will never raise on a day where you are not in my heart."

  
The words were clear, filled with love.

  
They made Kitty's ears burn.

  
He moved the ring onto her finger.

  
His hand phased through hers.

  
Kitty felt the air being sucked out of her lungs. A gasp from the guests echoed through the place. Piotr gaped at her, dumbfounded. And there was Illyana, her eyes wide.

  
Illyana.

  
The words were all Kitty could speak. She looked up at Colossus. "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry."

  
"But I don't think I can do this."

  
Then, she slipped into the ground, the weight of what she had just done pushing her down.

  
It was only when she was underground that she felt she could breathe.

  
***

  
Coats were unusual for wedding dresses, but nevertheless, Kitty wished she'd worn one. She felt safest here, out in the dark, looking over to the lake. Piotr dumped her here, once. Piotr. Maybe she'd ruined his life. Wouldn't have been the first time.

  
All Kitty knew was the hole in her heart.

  
Footsteps, and a familiar voice.

  
"Katya...."

  
Kitty turned around.

  
"How'd you know I'd come here?"

  
Illyana smiled. "I know you."

  
She sat down beside her.

  
"So... you going to talk about it?" Illyana asked.

  
Kitty shook her head. "Illyana, I'm sorry. I would never want to hurt your brother. I couldn't control my phasing."

  
Illyana furrowed her brow. "I know, but Kitty, you said... you said you couldn't marry him."

  
Kitty's eyes locked onto Illyana's.

  
Without thinking, she moved towards her.

  
And kissed her.

  
Kitty closed her eyes as her heart began to explode. The air was electric, and so was Kitty's skin. Illyana held onto her, caressing her torso, arms, cheek.

  
Illyana. There was no one else in the world but Illyana.

  
The girl Kitty had been in love with since they were teens. The girl who died. The girl who Kitty belonged to.

  
After what seemed to be forever, Kitty pulled back, gasping for air.

  
"I want this moment to last forever", she whispered, tears streaming freely down her cheeks.

  
"Well, we've got some time to make up for!" Illyana chuckled, clutching onto Kitty.

  
Kitty grinned. "I love you, Illyana Rasputin. Stupid, soul-sucking, all-consuming love."

Illyana laughed. "This is such a cliche." 

 

She wrapped her arms around Kitty, leaning against her.

 

Kitty giggled. "I guess I'm not as straight as I thought I was." 

 

"I guess not", Illyana replied, before kissing her again. 

 

And in that infinite moment, Kitty swore she would love Illyana Rasputin till the day she died.

 

 

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> lol we coulda had it all


End file.
